Truth comes out.

People say that the true will set you free, i don't believe such things.

If the truth ever came out, would i ever be free? No i don't think so, who the hell believes this kine of crap?! If a killer told where he killed and buried a person he had killed, would he be free? I don't think so.

TRUTH IS: I never wanted my son. Yes, i mean it. I never wanted him when i was pregnant. I never wanted him when he was born. What do i do? My mom would have never let me give him up, it was too late to for an abortion so what now? There's nothing. My mind has been kept silent for too long now. And every little dirty secert must be spilled.

From the day i found out i was pregnant, i knew i didn't want it. I knew i needed an abortion but just how many months was i? I sort of knew the answer to that already. I didn't have my period for months and and i knew it was too late now. second option. Adoption. But how could a mother give up my own baby when she CAN take care of him? For me, i could but couldn't. NOT because i wouldn't be able to give him up but because my mom wouldn't stop buying him shit. I didn't know what to do. LAST option. Kill myself and baby. How could i? Could i really kill my baby? I would. Didn't have the time, didn't get the chance, and by the time i was ready i lost that chance because i was about to give birth to something i never wanted or ever loved.

The day he was born. I didn't cry. I didn't have ALOT of pain, just some. I didn't feel. All but one feeling. Hatred. For the person who did it to me. For killing my life, my future, my soul, and most of all my body...for it will never be the same. I lost everything from one little thing and things just got worse and worse for me. I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to kill myself and still do.

Sometimes i feel like killing myself and him when i take a shower but i always change my mind because what would everybody say. I'd go to hell and baby would go to heaven. I don't care where i end up, as long as its far away from this life and jail. I could kill my son but i'd go to jail for life. I rather kill myself but when i try to everybody always puts these words in my head telling me that they care about me and that they love me. BULLSHIT. Nobody loves me. How could anybody?

The VOICE. The voice in my head. Its always telling me what to do or say. Screaming in my head to NOT to do this and when to do that. Never knowing what's my own voice from the other anymore. Two different voices. Never knowing who to listen to. Some say i need help, others say i'm crazy. All is true but how can they prove it? There's no way, unless they read this. But nobody ever listens to a crazy person. Nobody will. Not even the ones closest to you. The message could be right in their face, but they never see. The message is in right there in the words you speak but they never listen. What would a crazy person say? You never know.