dying to know.

Don't you just hate it when you really wanna know the truth, but just can't find it in yourself to ask? Well i get that all the time. If only i were more braver. Sometimes i hate myself for being such a coward, i wish i had the guts to ask but i choke everytime.

Why is it so hard to ask the most simplest out of all questions?

"Do you still love me?" Its just a 5 letter question, but the words don't seem to come out. I guess i'm just scared of knowing the truth. There is only 2...well 3 answers to this question but the one i'm most scared of is NO. Yes and maybe wouldn't hurt me as much. I just don't wanna hear another "i love you as a friend". But i don't know for sure what the answer will be, and yet i still can't ask it. I just don't wanna feel like a dumbass for even thinking he could still love me the same way. I just wish these feelings would just go away. They did at one point, but just in those short moments, everything changed. FAST. i didn't expect myself to fall heels over head all over again. And yet i still get theses stupid vibes that maybe he feels the same but i think its just my hopes getting to me.

If only he did feel the same. And what if he does? Would he break another's heart to save mine? Would he take a 3nd chance with me? So many questions left unanswered and so many thoughts of what those answers might be. I just can't stop thinking. I hate that this is the only thing on my mind now a days. I'm always wondering what if? What if he doesn't wanna talk to me now that i told him how i really feel, what if he doesn't care about my feelings and only hers, and what if he just doesn't see me that way anymore? And the whys..i really do hate. Why was he kinda flirty when we were cruzin, why did he call me everynight before he started working, and why can't he call to just talk for a few minutes? Well i could call him but i don't wanna call his grandma's house phone everynight just to talk to him for a few minutes. It seems rude to me because its not his phone. But i hope he gets a cell soon.



I guess i will never know my answer till i ask.