waiting forever.

6 months. It seems like forever, because its half a year but i've gone on longer without being with someone or even trying to get with someone cause my mind was on somebody else so i think i can manage. Everybody says but "what if somebody just comes into your life, unexpectedly and you have feelings for him or HER too?" well like i said to everybody theres just NO WAY thats gonna happen because if i don't go anywhere will guys or girls can hit on me and i don't wanna talk to them or make eye contact once so ever then theres just no way that i could possibly fall for someone.

And to me i just don't want anybody else in my life but him, he makes so happy i just can't control myself around him i can really be myself around him and he met pretty much all my family well at least all the islanders. If i didn't love him so much i would NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, EVER in my life bring him home to meet the fam. ESPICALLY my dad's side. And as just as i knew how they would react to him, they just stared at him like "who the fuck is this guy?" haha but i don't give a shit what they think. Its my life and i'll do as i please.

I only wish it wasn't for 6 months but i've waited longer so ya, but on a plus side i'll be pretty busy most of the time. With school, work, reading books, and cleaning house stuff so i guess my mind will be side tracked. And also i'll be writing to him so maybe it won't be so bad but still "6 MONTHS" sounds so far away but time flies by me so fast now a days that maybe it won't be so hard to bare.

But on a negative note, what if he doesn't want me back after this LOOOOOOOOONG break? It makes me wonder if he'll still love me after all this. It hurts to think of it and everybodys just wondered about me finding somebody else while hes on lock down. But theres girls there too and what if he falls for one of them? Ya ya ya, i know you guys are just gonna say "he'd NEVER do that!" but what about me huh? why is it different for me? I know at times i do fall fast for some people but its different now that my heart is on lock down right now. If i put my mind, body, and soul into waiting for him i can do it. I mean it. Seriously.

But back to the matter at hand, what if he did fall for somebody else? Where would that lead me? Would that loooong waiting be meaningless? Some people say yes and they say that i should just go out and enjoy this time apart to explore the world and see whats out there. My world is just standing two feet away from my face or staring into my eyes everytime we meet or always finding ways to make me smile when our lives at their worst. Theres nothing better than being with the one you love most, and i love him most in this lifetime and i don't plan on finding anybody else. UNLESS, there's always gotta be an unless...and so if he EVER cheated on me i would kill him and then be forever in depression for like couple years possibly unless i'd find it in me and ask myself "is he really worth my time and heart?" but who knows what the future holds for us, two. And right now i'm just trying to focus on the NOW and not the LATER. Right now, all i know is that i love him and i don't want nobody else.