What if..

Did you ever think about what if your life was different?

Like what if you just went down that other road for once? For me i should have, shouldn't have and didn't.

Sometimes i feel like its my fault, which it is. For me. I'm the one who wanted to change. I'm the one who wanted to be someone else. I'm the one who wanted it all. I'm the one who had to be different. And now look at my life. Too late they would say.

I never thought that the paths that i took would lead me here, i mean i know there were so many chances i should have took but just wouldn't listen and when i finally had something good in my life i fucked it up. Big time. Lost everything. Turned into somebody i thought i'd never see again but back to the same ways. I wished so hard for it all to change back to the way it was, but you can only have one happy ending right? And possibly go back right? But not for me, I tried to go back, i tried everything but ended up short handed. No turn around sign for me. But when i finally got one shot at a turn around, it just blow up in my face, just like everything else has in my life.

Its like every choice i make on my own turns up into shit. Even though i ask for peoples for advice it still turns into a fuck up. I wonder if i should just pick what i should do and then go the other way..but wouldn't that mean i'm still picking my own choices? Well that tough. Knowing if the right thing is really the "right thing" to do.

I know this is pretty much confusing, its confusing me too haha, but i'm just saying you know. If only.